reflect: three things I learned from a week of listening

2020 has felt like a whole lifetime

When I look back to New Year’s Day of 2020, I am struck by the change in the world.

COVID19 was unnamed and unacknowledged.

The thought of a global pandemic shutting down the global economy and taking countless lives sounded like the next Hollywood blockbuster rather than our reality.

My privilege shielded me from naming and acknowledging a global pandemic of racism, apathy, and injustice to black people: a systemic issue that takes countless lives of black people around the world.

“Don’t wait for the pdf version.”

Writing this, I get stuck in wanting to say the right things, tiptoe around feelings, and struggle to find words to speak to something I don’t even understand yet.

On a lululemon ambassador call this week, a leader said, “Don’t wait for the PDF version.” She spoke this to a group of forty health, fitness, and wellness professionals during our virtual session to process what’s going on in our world.

So often I hold back from saying, doing, acting, or starting because I am waiting for the final draft. This simple phrase with a profound message has stayed with me all week, and is an inspiration for today’s post.

I’m clearing my need to do this perfectly by simply stating:

I do not have this figured out.

I will not do this perfectly.

I want to learn and grow from this.

I think that you do, too.

Why I’m speaking about black lives matter

Last week I participated in the #amplifymelanatedvoices challenge by muting my own content on the internet and social media. Instead of using my own voice, I chose to repost (with credit) the voices of people who have been doing this work FAR longer than I have.

I learned a lot, and today I’m sharing three things I learned with you.

Before I do that, I want to answer a common question I’ve gotten this week.

Why am I, as a white woman, a human movement specialist, speaking out about #blacklivesmatter ? Why am I making my page political? Aren’t I married to a cop? Don’t I just write about lululemon and movement? Shouldn’t I just keep my personal opinions around race to myself?

These are great questions. When I started this blog, I made a commitment to myself and to you that I would show up authentically. I think it’s important for me to answer these questions publicly. Then you can make the decision whether my page will still serve you (and if it doesn’t, that’s okay…I’ve lost around 4000 followers this week since I started posting about racial injustice. The people pleaser in me freaked out. The woman I aspire to be reminded me its okay if I ruffle feathers.).

I’m speaking out about Black Lives Matter because I believe that black lives matter. I admit that I used to respond with “all lives matter” because I was ignorant about my privilege, systemic racism, and white supremacy that’s been engrained in my DNA for centuries. I may write more on that later but for today I will simply say that I know better now and will do better.

I’m “making my page political” if you believe that black human lives are political pawns and not human beings.

Yes I am married to a cop and know countless cops who are incredible people. Standing up for black lives matter is not about cops. Standing up for black lives matter is about standing for safety for black people no matter who is involved.

I LOVE writing about lululemon and about movement. In fact, that’s why I named this blog lemonLOVES. lululemon, movement, education, and people are what my blog is all about. And since I love people, I choose to write about people. Right now, black people need my support and energy. I can’t write about my favorite leggings while black people are needlessly dying.

I will keep writing about movement and the tools that have helped me unlearn and relearn this week (three tips coming up next, I promise).

The final frequent question I’ve gotten is, shouldn’t I keep my personal opinions about race to myself?? I have done that for 34 years, and to continue to do that means that I will remain part of the problem.

By speaking out, I am striving to be part of the change.

By speaking out, I am hoping to reach others like me.

By partnering with people who have been working to dismantle racism for centuries, I believe we can all unlearn and learn together.

three things I learned from muting myself this week

This is by no means exhaustive; I will publish a resource list on Wednesday with more tools.

1. listen without agenda

When I chose to mute myself, I did not expect to suddenly want to chime in. I wanted to chime in and defend myself, I wanted to chime in and defend others, I wanted to chime in and offer my own take.

Guess what… Listening in order to respond actually blocks learning.

I am grateful that I committed to listening for a full week because it gave me space to process, to do inner work, and to listen from a place of understanding.

2. silence is harmful

For a long long time I believed that I should be silent about things I don’t have expertise in. If I don’t have it all figured out, if I don’t have the perfect words, if I don’t have the “PDF version” I shouldn’t speak.

I’ve learned that my silence in matters of human rights contributes to the problem.

3. Learn with empathy

Learning with empathy was key for me this week. Not only did I need empathy for others, but I needed to hold empathy for myself. What I observed in myself and in other white people is that our guilt, shame, anger, and other difficult emotions come up immediately and instinctually when we talk about race.

We are all at different stages, phases, have different resources, tools, and experiences to draw from. I needed to treat myself and everyone I interacted with, with empathy.

mindful Minute

The number one tool that helps me to practice listening without agenda, realize that my silence is harmful, and to learn with empathy?

Mindfulness.

This week I needed to practice mindfulness constantly. Mindfulness is a practice of being present to what is happening right now: over and over again, without judgement.

My mindfulness practice helped me to stop and listen. It helped me to notice what feelings, thoughts, and judgements were coming up. It helped me to take that pause before I responded. It gave me space to practice empathy and understanding.

Mindfulness can do this for you, too.

My mindful minute series is designed for busy people who don’t have time to add more to their already crammed lives. In just a minute, it is possible to shift our minds and hearts.

Today’s mindful minute is simple and powerful. You don’t need equipment, you don’t need peace and quiet, and you don’t need anything other than a little reminder to pause.

When you want to react, pause.

When you want to be understood, pause.

When you want to be silent, pause.

The pause will give you an opportunity to get present in the moment to speak, act, or listen from a grounded place.

i appreciate you for being here

So so so so much! And my inbox is open for thoughts, questions, comments, and any/all feedback (even if you disagree with me!).

Much love,

Mallory