happy Monday, friends

I want to start this post with an acknowledgment and a clearing.

I haven’t been myself lately.

I have been struggling to keep my head above water for a few months. It probably shows up in my work, although I recognize I tend to cover it well.

But since it’s important to me to be authentic in this space, I want to be honest that I’m not doing great (in terms of keeping up with my workload of managing this new online business).

By nature, I’m an introvert. If you’re familiar with the enneagram, I’m a five. I love my space, I thrive on routine, my love language is learning new things and having as much time to master them as I can, and I hesitate to share my self with others. I like to figure it out on my own before I talk about it to anyone else. Then I love teaching what I know and helping others thrive. This has been my MO my whole life.

Through my experience with brain injury I’ve learned that I have to be open and connect with others to survive. We’re stronger together. When others shared with me, it helped me. When I share with others, it helps them.

Yesterday on Instagram, I shared a post on dysautonomia.

Content included below, in case you’d like to learn about this disorder.

I was diagnosed with a form of dysautonomia (nervous system dysfunction) last fall and I have been struggling to keep it together the past several months. In truth, I didn’t realize how much I was struggling until today, when I sat down to write and . . . couldn’t.

Posting about dysautonomia yesterday and sharing openly about my physical struggles to simply —stand up— took a burden off my back I didn’t realize I was carrying.

Invisible illnesses are confusing, soul-crushing, disorienting, and lonely.

I haven’t been showing up for you in the way I’d like to lately. I haven’t had some of the difficult conversations I’d like to have. So this is simply an acknowledgment of that, and a status update of what’s been going on with me. I don’t think anything will change any time soon because frankly I’m tired and giving all I can. I love building this online business and it all is still so new. I’m learning to navigate it with you. I have big dreams for this space and I know they entail taking care of me first.

So, that’s what today’s mindful minute is all about: tuning in to self first.

You’ll find today’s Mindful Minute below, along with a reminder to please vote for me to be the next Yoga Warrior!!

dysautonomia (yesterday’s Instagram post)

Dysautonomia or autonomic dysfunction is a condition in which the autonomic nervous system (ANS) does not work properly.

This may affect the functioning of the heart, bladder, intestines, sweat glands, pupils + blood vessels.

Dysautonomia has many causes; many conditions can feature dysautonomia, like:

Parkinson's disease
multiple system atrophy
Ehlers-Danlos syndrome
autoimmune autonomic ganglionopathy
autonomic neuropathy
HIV/AIDS
autonomic failure
postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS)

I was diagnosed with POTS last fall. POTS is common in women my age after brain injury; if you’ve followed me for long you may be familiar with my journey to figure this all out.

POTS can cause

nausea
dizziness upon standing
mental fog
exhaustion
exercise intolerance
heat intolerance
purple or swollen hands + feet
chest pain
headaches
shortness of breath
stomach pain
anxiety
a myriad of other confusing symptoms.

This collection of symptoms are marked by excessive heart rate related to orthostatic intolerance AKA an inability to tolerate standing, meaning 𝗜 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 “𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆” 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜’𝗺 𝗹𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻.

As someone who used to run marathons + work on her feet 14 hours a day, it’s been a huge adjustment to find a new normal.

Right now managing my illness feels like a full time job: focusing on self care, hydration, medication, adding a ridiculous amount of salt to my diet (feeling bloated ALL the time), following Levine’s exercise protocol for POTS, seeing a neurologist who specializes in POTS, avoiding (for now) the activities that exacerbate my symptoms take a ton of time + energy.