Do you ever dig your heels in over something, only to change your mind later?

“I would love to see what’s in your closet!”many people have said after they’ve seen my variety of leggings.

Nope, I would think. Not happening.

Well, <gulp> today is the day. This is my closet.

I have a lot of shame around my messy closet. I’m married to a neat freak who has organization down to a “t.” As a recovering perfectionist I struggle with the urge to make my life look “perfect.” So I shove my mess in a closet until I’m ready to deal with it.

Please tell me I’m not the only one!

how my closet relates to my life

Last week I realized that my closet is a representation of how I treat my emotions.

I came to this epiphany when I opened my closet door + couldn’t step foot inside.

When I’m stressed out, overwhelmed, or need some peace + quiet, I like to sit on the floor of my closet + breathe. I know it’s strange, but I’ve done this since I was a little kid.

Last week, on top of everything else going on in the world, I found myself dealing with a challenging situation. A photographer I used to like + trust canceled my prepaid photo shoot with less than 48 hours notice + refused to reschedule or refund my money.

In the midst of scrambling to figure out this situation, I opened my closet door + fell apart at the sight of this gigantic mess.

Suddenly, emotions boiled over. I started to cry + felt a bunch of uncomfortable feelings.

Why am I sharing this story about my messy closet + my breakdown?

Because I realize that how I deal with my closet is how I deal with my emotions: I stuff things away until there’s no room left for anything else. Eventually, the dam bursts + it gets messy.

stress and coping skills

Before my brain injury, I had better control over both my messy closet + my emotions.

Pre-brain injury, I could set aside an hour to do a deep clean every week.

Now, it takes months.

Before, I had positive stress relief outlets for my emotions like running, volunteering, vigorous exercise + a full social life.

Now, I struggle to adopt new stress relief tactics.

In sum, I have reduced capacity for everything post brain injury, including cleaning/organizing + managing my emotions.

I also don’t have access to my old coping mechanisms.

You may notice with everything going on in the world, your capacity is also reduced.

Longterm stress reduces our ability to healthfully manage stress. In the US, we are nine months into a global pandemic that worsens daily.

We have:

• health stressors

• family stressors

• work stressors

• financial stressors

• school stressors

• political stressors

We are in the midst of a divisive national election.

The holidays are here, life is “weird,” the future uncertain.

You may find your closet, literally or figuratively, looks like mine.

and that’s okay

I want you to know that having a messy closet, or messy emotions, doesn’t make you a mess.

You’re human.

You’re going through a lot.

Take a deep breath.

Take care of yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

We will get through this trying time.

Lets build some healthy coping skills together.

mindful minute

Today’s mindful minute is to create a stress game plan.

I’ve outlined a few prompts below that may help you in this process.

Remember that you can always download the slide and save it to your phone (when we’re stressed, we will not naturally remember to be mindful!).

Now that you have practiced the tool . . .

What do you notice?

Try to answer without judgement. Whatever you notice is simply what you noticed; it’s not right, wrong, or indifferent.

Can you make a reminder to yourself to do this once a day this week??