Be KIND to your body….

 

Even writing those words ^^ is difficult. 

 

Warning: I will tell you why it’s difficult for me to write that sentence, but it’s not going to be pretty. As my wise + loving friend Sarah says, “It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, but it’s all worth it” (go follow her @wickergoddess to enjoy her art and wisdom. She has been such an inspiration in my life; I hope to highlight her soon on this blog). 

 

When I decided to start this blog, I promised myself that I would show up authentically + share my rainbows/sunshine/happiness, AND share my dark moments, my fears, my insecurities, and all of the things that drive my perfectionism.

 

This is important for me to share because I didn’t grow up this way. I learned to wear a mask that everything was GREAT, I could do it all on my own, and I would only be loved/accepted if I was the best/perfect at everything.

 

This is a lie.

What’s worse, I used this belief to fuel perfectionism, inauthenticity, competition, comparison, and self-harming habits

 

This belief has kept me from doing so many things I want to do in my life.

 

Like this blog.

 

(If I haven’t scared you off yet, I’m glad you’re here!!)

 

Whether you know me well or you only know me through the internet, you may know that I’ve been healing from a traumatic brain injury since August 2018. This experience has tested me in ways I never dreamed anything could (go listen to my Powerhouse Women podcast HERE or watch a video of me sharing HERE). I am healing and am very grateful to be continuing to heal.

 

However, the recovery journey has completely sucked. And it still does!

 

It has also given me the opportunity to transform.

 

And it’s because of this transformation -- the people I have met, the stories that have been shared with me, the lessons that I have learned -- that I am able to be so honest with you today.

 

Being kind to my body is still a foreign idea to me. I have never been kind to my body in my life. I was a competitive swimmer growing up, and from the age of 10-18 had double swim practices daily. I had an eating disorder that developed very early on (maybe at 8 or 9 years old?). I was constantly hard on myself – always striving for perfection both from a performance standpoint and from an aesthetic standpoint. 

 

I was completely UNkind to my body for all of my formative years, and that was just “how it was”. I didn’t think anything of it. In fact, I didn’t realize how much I hated my body until recently. 

 

I did go through periods where I no longer restricted my food/overexercised, but was unkind to my body in other ways: not sleeping, working 16-hour days while in school fulltime, being critical/harsh in my self-talk, stressing out over every detail of my life, being in toxic romantic relationships, drinking, having a crappy diet, you name it.

 

Through it all, I was overly critical of my body in each of these photos. At each stage of life. Through each achievement or milestone.

It was a total blindspot that I hated my body until I met Dr Morgan Francis (follow her at @drmorganfrancis —your life will change forever like mine has).

 

In the past 18 months, since my accident, I have gained about 40 pounds. My body has changed drastically. As a health and fitness professional, I carry a lot of shame around my appearance. As a lululemon ambassador, I’ve struggled to accept my new size 8-12 body.

I couldn’t love and accept my body in a size 0. How on earth was I going to love and accept my body as a size 10?

 

Early on in my accident recovery, I attended Powerhouse Women and heard Dr Morgan Francis speak. Sitting in my chair, while my whole world was falling apart yet I had a big smile on my face, I thought to myself, I think I could talk to her about what is going on.

 

So when she sent an email about a body image group therapy course she was starting, I was all in.

 

It’s through the course, and my subsequent one-on-one sessions with her, that I realized how I had been so unkind to my body for so long.

 

And then a light bulb came on: I had always hated my body. Even at my smallest, I hated my chin, my arms, my thighs, my boobs. I was constantly punishing myself with exercise to compensate for eating my feelings. I was terrified of getting fat. I would look at photos and hate how I looked, regardless of my weight/size/shape. My waist was 22” for a few years, and that was never small enough for me. 

 

My body was never “good enough”.

The problem was never with my body: the problem was with how I treat my body. The problem was with old wounds that needed to heal in order for me to love and except my body no matter its size, shape, orThe problem was never with my body: the problem was with how I treat my body. The problem was with old wounds that needed to heal in order for me to love and accept my body no matter its size, shape, or abilities.
 

Read that again.

I also realized, through my support group, through digging into my past, and through my FIFTEEN YEARS experience as a health and fitness professional, that I am NOT the only human with this experience.

As a movement specialist, I meet men and women every day who dislike their bodies.

It only takes a few moments of watching TV, checking Instagram, or looking at headlines in magazines at the checkout counter of the grocery store to realize that we face a global epidemic of body shame. I have a vision that we can shift how we view, treat, and care for (and even learn to love) our bodies. That we can live in a world where we can still choose to eat healthy, exercise, and pursue health and fitness goals but from a place of abundance and love and appreciation for what our bodies can do, rather than from a place of “not good enough”.

That sounds great, Mallory. But how?

I’m so glad you asked. I also learned on this healing journey that merely recognizing this earth-shattering revelation did not magically fix my body image issues. Isn’t it crazy that what took me 33 years to develop didn’t change overnight?!? I hope you can hear the humor in my voice as I laugh at myself!

 

So my intention with this blog is to use my experiences (both personal and professional) to share my journey, to highlight tools that assist me on this journey, and to invite other people to share or simply read for understanding. 

I would not be where I am today without the people, techniques, and practices that I continue to learn and make habit.

 

Since January is the time when everyone works their bodies so incredibly hard, I thought, What better time to start this practice of kindness?

 

Each Monday, I plan to share mindfulness practices, tools, stretches, yoga poses, and every tool I possibly can to help people learn to be KIND to their bodies. I have a lot of knowledge, but I think what’s most important is that I am on this path with you. Right beside you.

 

In fact, it is through the strength of community that I am able to share my struggles + my triumphs with you. I am able to share my dream with you because I have a whole crew of incredible people I’ve met through lululemon.

 

Lululemon is so much more than stretchy pants: lululemon is community, self development, and unicorn brainstorming. Tyler, our community manager at Scottsdale Quarter, planted this crazy idea in my head by asking me to post about outerwear. Sarah + Jill led an incredible Vision + Goals meeting early one Sunday morning (lululemon is alllll about self-development). Jesse, one of the fittest and toughest athletes I’ve ever met, embraced my little idea of body kindness and encouraged me to go for it. Brian (who I met because of lululemon, by the way) has been such a cheerleader for me. Every single person I mentioned this blog to asked me great questions + helped me get so clear on what I wanted to share. Every person I asked to support me has shown up in their own wonderful way – which has been the greatest gift to me.

 

So know that we are ALL with you. We can all do this together.as a movement specialist, I meet men and women every day who dislike their bodies.

 

Today I want to start with something simple. We tend to think mindfulness and self-care need to be a few hours blocked off, or a vacation, or a nap. It’s not that rigid.

 

Mindfulness Moment

I invite you to close your eyes and take three deep breaths. (Go ahead, I’ll wait.) 

 

If you skipped this part (or if your eyes are open), here’s another opportunity. Take at least ONE deep breath. Slow, steady, and sigh if you need to.

 

Say to yourself, I am ______. Fill in the blank with whatever word you need to hear. Mine right now is ENOUGH. And BRAVE. And CONNECTED. (I’m an overachiever so I have three.)

 

Repeat this (deep breath, and I am _____) any time you remember to do this today, tomorrow, and all week.

 

I’m going to film a video leading this + share it to my insta story (@drfoxyfit). Feel free to breathe with me there.

 

You got this. I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for allowing me to share. Please DM me, comment, send me an email, or reach out however you need to if you need someone to listen to you.

#bekindtoyourbody

 

Love,

 

Me