the magic of routine
“I know you’re struggling and you may feel like your world has been turned upside down.”
I nodded, holding back the waves of nausea that constantly rolled through my body. Kelly, my occupational therapist, continued, “We don’t know when you will be healthy, yet you do have choices in all of this discomfort. You can create routines to support your long-term goals.”
This conversation occurred on an October morning in 2018.
At the time, I had been off of work for five weeks. I was recovering from an accident that at first glance didn’t seem to be a huge deal. Much like this coronavirus pandemic, I underestimated the enormity of the situation. I had a diagnosed traumatic brain injury that wreaked havoc on my life. Even though I understood the enormity of the injury, I couldn’t comprehend the impact it would have on my day to day life. I mean, I looked fine. I expected that if I gave myself a couple weeks off, I would be good as new in record time.
Spoiler alert: it didn’t happen that way
I didn’t know that my expectations had set me up for failure. When my two weeks elapsed, I’ve had a constant migraine, I was dizzy, nauseous, and unable to keep my vision clear/single images. I had fallen a couple of times and had dramatic mood swings. I was ultra sensitive to light and sound, and struggled to get even an hour of sleep at a time.
I was struggling
Fast forward to this rainy morning in early October. I heard the words that Kelly was saying, and I knew that they were valid. The problem was that I was stuck. Stuck in my old mindset, stuck in my need to have some semblance of control, stuck in my fear of what life would look like if I couldn’t get back to normal. I thought that if I just did more (went to every type of therapy imaginable, did my homework, pushed myself through the pain) that I would wake up one day and have my old life back.
I was surviving
With Kelly‘s help, I started creating simple routines that I could do with my limited energy and curtailed capacity for movement. At the time, I didn’t see how taking 30 deep breaths upon waking would help....but I did it anyway.
I didn’t understand why I needed to change out of my comfy yoga pants into my other comfy yoga pants each day — or put on a bra if all I could do was lie on the couch in pain, trying not to throw up. But I did it anyway.
i missed the point
It’s not always about what we do, as much as it is about how we do it. Our brains need routine. Our brains are hardwired to keep us safe: in times of stress and uncertainty, we can get stuck in fight flight or freeze response.
how does this relate?
Over the past two weeks the day-to-day routines of everyone in the US and Canada has changed dramatically. Just two weeks ago today, my work schedule was filled with mlb umpires, baseball players, snowbirds; my personal life with vacations, doctor appts, therapy, and plans with friends/family.
Today, I’m only leaving the house to go to the doctor and jaw therapy.
Last week, a lot of feelings came up around the last time I was housebound for a period of time. I was isolated. I felt trapped. I didn’t know when i would have my normal life back.
I’ve heard so many people express these same thoughts, feelings, and fears. Throughout my ongoing recovery with TBI, I’ve always been driven to help others by sharing my experience. I looked back in my journal for support to see how I shifted from surviving to thriving.
I‘ve been able to grown and change through challenge; I’m ready to show you how you can, too.
I’m taking my lessons learned from this difficult period of my life and am creating something to help others grow through this rough period the world is facing.
Each day, I work with people who ask me to help them change a behavior, learn a new skill, or heal from injury. I teach resilience on a daily basis. I’ve always taught in person, usually one-on-one, and while I hope that I will soon be back in my office doing what I love most, I am excited for the opportunity to reach more people through an online platform.